Lessons I’ve learned from my kitten:

1. Nobody else cares about your kitten.

PSA: This is your mind on Marriage.

The Midwest has changed me!

Moving to Wisconsin

I am moving to Madison, Wisconsin in two and one-half weeks to work at an awesome job with an awesome company.

I usually hear the name “Wisconsin” used in conjunction with the phrase “cheese” or “Green Bay Packers” or “right-wing nut-job governor.” Imagine my surprise when I went to Wisconsin and, well, that’s it: Imagine my surprise when I went to Wisconsin.

I have seen snow about four times in 23 years. I have seen the Midwest about one time in 23 years–two weeks ago, when I arrived in Madison for a job interview. That was also the first time I saw frozen bodies of water. The three men with whom I ate dinner asked if I had ever eaten a bratwurst. Does bratwurst mean sausage, I asked. They told me that there is no open water swimming in Wisconsin. Does open water mean in the San Francisco Bay, they asked. There is a farmer’s market, but only during the Spring and Summer months. Neighboring states include Minnesota, Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Indiana a little bit I think (but only on the water), and Ontario. Before my trip, I wasn’t positive that Minnesota was a real place. It was mythical and fantastic, like leprechauns or Diet Dr. Pepper. After three hours and twenty minutes stuck on the Minneapolis airport runway, I admitted defeat. Minnesota does exist. It is as real as holiday M&M’s and Santa Claus.

During my trip, I realized a lot about Wisconsin, and learned a lot more. Wisconsin has my favorite football team–because it has the most Cal players, UW, large lakes, farms, markets, and frozen custard. Apparently they also specialize in bratwurst.

My mom’s friend, who has lived all over the United States, calls Madison “the Berkeley of the Midwest.”

Practically the same, right?

Even if Madison’s geographical distance from Berkeley represents its metaphorical distance from the Bay, I am still excited to move there. Eighteen days until relocation!

Tell me...have you ever made a big move? What was it for? Did it work out?
I am moving to Wisconsin for a job. It is the second job I have found that really motivates and excites me (the first was my best-ever first out-of-college job as a Personal and Executive Assistant). I mean, I moving to Wisconsin for this job, so that says a lot about my feelings.

Girls and Boys

A conversation that may have taken place between a man and a woman. If it took place, it probably happened over gchat.  The guy and girl might be dating.  It’s all hard to say, really.

The girl had feelings that she wanted to explain to the guy. Try as she might, no phraseology of her feelings made her sound sane.  Eventually, she gave up explaining, and told the boy he could just leave.  It would be easier.

He said okay and left.

It was as if spending ten minutes listening to the girl’s crazy emotions didn’t clue him into the fact that she had trouble expressing herself.

Or, you know, that she didn’t like to say what she meant because she preferred that she and her boyfriend be so deeply connected on a telepathic level that words became unnecessary…but only if she didn’t want to say them. Otherwise, waxing poetic about heartfelt matters for minutes at a time was totally acceptable.  It was a bit of a crapshoot.

Since the psychic communication had failed, the girl tried a more direct communication approach.

It worked.

Oh, yeah, um, she didn’t really need anything specific.

The end.

Tell me…are there other women who sometimes act so irrationally?
Or am (hypothetical) I (hypothetically) crazy? Maybe both.

Reverse Polygamy

Reverse Polygamy–the answer to all of my daddy problems. As I see it, Reverse Polygamy benefits both the men and the woman.  The guys have buddies with whom they can drink beer, watch sports, and fix household appliances.  They can play a game of football, soccer, or basketball without recruiting others! They can share protein powder and ideas about which they are obviously correct no matter how ill-educated they are on the subjects. They can be men, and I don’t have to deal with it.

Instead, I can focus on my favorite thing: Me! Reading, working out, brushing my hair, painting my nails, admiring my reflection in the mirror. Plus, my personality is so big and ferocious that it would be easier on mankind to split it between three men rather than have all the burden fall on only one.  Obviously, though, the biggest motivation behind plural male marriage–because, let’s face it, that sounds horrible–is three times the presents!

I would definitely participate in Reverse Polygamy for three times the presents. Maybe I’ll try to marry rich instead.

Turning 23.

My Birthdays

19.

Boyfriend and I went to Cheesecake Factory. Best friends and I went to Chevys!:

Free dessert–Ole!

21.

My friends and I drank wine. I wore the same dress, because it is one of my favorite dresses.

My friends gave me gifts reflecting my interests: Teenage Musicals, Teenage Drama, and Bay Area Politics.

22.

I visited Jen in Virginia. Yay!  I wore a dress, but at least it was a different dress.

I also wore Coat, Jen’s black, North Face jacket of the gods. Once gay marriage is legalized and the world spirals into an unstoppable black hole of Hedonism, I am going to marry Coat.

23.

I turned 23 on Thursday. I wore another dress. Dan was sweet enough to indulge my youthful antics by taking me to the San Francisco Exploratorium.

I drank from a toilet water fountain.

I sat in a big chair and showed off my long, ape arms.

I fantasized about eternal youth.

Ah, innocence.  I will hold onto you forever with the unbreakable grip of fear!

What I’ve Learned

Sometimes the more insignificant victories are the most important.

I don’t remember my 20th birthday because I was the Walking Dead (actually, being a zombie would have been way cooler). Though I am not fond of crawling toward an eternal and inescapable demise, I am so happy to be cognizant of my surroundings and have clear memories of my actions that I now believe every year is worth celebrating.  Surviving is a big, huge, fat freaking deal; reward yourself!

Also, Boyfriend taught me something really important: You are always the oldest you have ever been, but also the youngest you will ever be. 23 sounds much better from that perspective!

653 Pennies for Your Thoughts.

 

Tell me…do you like to pick up pennies?
I love to pick them up! I really do feel sad for them.  Plus, if I pick up 653 pennies every couple of years, that’s like 240 dollars over the next 80 years. I assume medicine will become so advance during my lifetime that I will not only be alive at 100, but will also still be mobile and aware enough to pick up coins.